Of Numbers, Deadlines, and Mental Health

Since the last Friday of December, I have published a new blog post every week without fail. I’ve written about quantum physics, metaphysics, futurism, and all kinds of mind-bending subjects. On top of that, I have been making YouTube videos as well. Today brings my blog streak to 34.

Last night, I was working on today’s blog post, when I realized it just wasn’t going to work. The quality was poor, and I was just rehashing ideas that I’ve already talked about. This was not what I wanted to give my readers.

I went to bed discouraged, a dilemma playing in my mind. Should I publish the post and maintain my streak even if it means delivering something of poor quality? Should I let myself take a break and lose my streak, which took me half a year to build up? Or should I aim for a miracle and write something new all in one day?

I woke up feeling tired and uncreative. Looking through my folder of partially-written discussions, all of them required more mental energy than I had available. I asked a friend for advice, and she suggested I let myself take a break, that 33 is a good number, and the quality of my blog posts and taking care of myself are more important than keeping the streak going.

I agreed, and was just about ready to let go, when I got a new idea: why don’t I write about the struggle I am facing right now? I am already talking about it with my friend via text chat, so it was easy to switch over to Scrivener and write my thoughts there.

And here it is, a new blog post, written entirely in just a few hours. And so, the streak continues, at 34 and counting.

But the dilemma has not been solved. I may have gotten through it this week, but what about next week? What will I do the next time I wake up on a Friday morning and realize I don’t have anything to show? I can only write on this topic once, a single-use get-out-of-jail-free card, and next time there may not be a way to escape by the skin of my teeth.

There will come a time again when I must choose between losing my streak and putting up garbage. When that day comes, I know what I must do. A number is just a number; the only meaning it has is what I give to it. And when the time comes, I will give up the number, because out of everything at stake, the number is the least important.