Miscommunication and Mental Dictionaries

When you speak the same language as someone, it is assumed that you understand each other. After all, that is the point of language in the first place. However, the process is not nearly as smooth as we might believe. To understand this, let’s look at the mechanisms behind how language works. First, the person who wants to speak has a thought, and they want to produce the same thought in the other person’s mind. They translate the thought into words, and then speak those words. The person on the receiving end hears the words, and translates them into their own thoughts. If all goes well, the thoughts the second person ends up with are the same thoughts the first person started with.

Many of us naively assume everyone who speaks the same language has common definitions of the words in that language. After all, words mean what they mean, right? Well, let’s look at how dictionaries work. If you want to know the definition of a word, you look it up and the dictionary tells you. However, it tells you using other words, all of which can be found in the same dictionary. It is entirely self-referencing; it does not relate any word to any kind of objective meaning. When translating between thoughts and words, we use our own mental dictionaries, which are constructed by what we think words mean. Our beliefs about the meanings of words are not built around any kind of objective meaning, but are shaped by our own experiences. Thus, since everybody’s personal experiences are different, everybody’s mental dictionary ends up slightly different from everybody else’s.

Because of this, people can use the same words, but speak different languages in a sense. This is what happens when people “talk past each other,” or try to have a conversation, but feel like the other person does not understand a word they say. In order to solve this problem, we need to remember that the purpose of a conversation is to communicate a message, not to convince the other person that their definition is wrong. We might try using different words, but sometimes there aren’t enough words held in common to do so. If we want to be the most effective, we should concede to temporarily use the other person’s definition. The skill of being able to jump between definitions depending on who you are talking with can make it much easier to get along with lots of different people.

Let’s consider some examples of people using the same words with different meanings. First, “reality.” When a physicist talks about reality, they mean the objective aspects of the world that exist and have properties independently of anyone’s beliefs, knowledge, or perception. However, when a psychologist or philosopher talks about reality, they might mean that which affects one’s behavior and conscious experience. These people would say the pulled muscle in my hip is more real to me than the extreme poverty of a child in Nigeria, whereas a physicist would say they are equally real.

Another word that is used differently by different people, and which is the cause of much animosity among people these days, is “racism.” When most people talk about racism, they mean judging a person by their skin color instead of their individual characteristics. This, of course, can be done by anyone toward anyone. But when people in social justice circles talk about racism, they are referring to the extra hardships of life that are put on some groups of people and not others. To these people, being racist means participating, knowingly or not, in the features of the social system that allow these unfair hardships to happen. This kind of racism only flows in the direction of the underprivileged groups. If someone says, “it’s impossible to be racist against white people,” and the person they are talking to says, “that statement is racist,” they are talking about two different things, and must realize this quickly or their friendship will be in jeopardy.

There is little point arguing over whose definitions are correct. After all, it is not the words themselves that have meaning, but rather the meaning is produced when the words are translated by people into thoughts. If this idea seems strange, imagine speaking English to someone who only knows French. Before your words have any meaning to them, they must be taught to understand them. The same is true for someone who speaks the same language, but uses words differently.

In order to get along with people, you will want to practice listening for signs that you are using words differently. The most obvious is when the other person seems to make no sense at all. If an otherwise intelligent person says something that is ridiculously stupid, chances are that what they mean to say actually makes sense, and they used words that you use differently. A less obvious sign is if they say something that seems hurtful or prejudiced, especially if it is unprovoked. If you can’t tell by their words, check their mannerisms, because it is easier to tell someone’s intentions that way. Always remember that it’s not the words that are important, it’s the communication of one person’s thoughts to another.